The Salon

I love getting my hair done. The last time I had my natural haircolor was probably eighth grade; since then I've had blonde hair, red, hot pink streaks, blue streaks, green streaks that were supposed to be blue streaks....short hair, long hair, funky hair, classy hair...you name it. I love walking into the salon, with its scents of rosemary mint shampoo and flowery styling products. I'll sit down in the chair and look at myself in the mirror, trying to imagine who I'm about to become.

The outside world falls away, time ceases to matter, and I'm cocooned in a place of warm golden light and beautiful things. Hours later I emerge, transformed.

This is how I feel about revisions. When I'm really working - when the story has sucked me in - I go to a place outside of time, insulated in the smells and colors and sounds coming alive on the page. I am my main character, sharing her journey, and when I reach the end, blinking back into the light of "real" life, I realize...

She is not the only one who has changed.

In honor of her, and to celebrate one of my best friends' weddings this weekend...

I am transformed! :-)

 

Welcome to Revisionland

I've learned a lot about myself as a writer over the past year. Well, two years, really...ever since I started writing seriously. But the learning has gone all bat-shit crazy recently. Which has been, I think (I hope!) a good thing.

When I wrote my first novel, the hardest part was just sitting down to write every day. Getting SOMETHING down on the page. I didn't think so much about WHAT.

Now, with my third novel, EVERYTHING is hard. I'm pretty sure that means I'm getting better. (That's what I tell myself, anyway.) When I was starting out and was less aware of all the choices I was making as I wrote, it was easy to make arbitrary decisions and roll with them, whether they were the right ones or not. Now, with a little more experience, I'm increasingly aware of the impact of each and every decision I make in my writing.

To be honest, it's terrifying.

Because, I've discovered two things.

1) I am NOT the kind of writer who will sit back and work everything out FIRST, before writing. I learn by doing...which translates into learning by making mistakes. LOTS of mistakes.

2) I am blessed - and cursed - with a very decisive authorial voice. Whether I'm committed to them or not, my choices generally feel very INTENTIONAL in my writing. The curse part of this, of course, is that if I HAVEN'T thought something through, and it's the WRONG choice...it can really turn off a reader (see below re: rewriting my main character)

It shouldn't have shocked me to discover that I'm a learn by doing writer - after all, I'm a learn by doing PERSON (just ask MAJOR HOTSAUCE. It took dating him THREE TIMES over 8 years for me to FINALLY figure out that he was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. d'oh!). But it DID surprise me. I have critique partners and friends who write a novel, revise it once or twice, and it's sold! (YAY!! :-)) I kept thinking I was doing something wrong when it didn't work that way for me.

But it's NOT about doing something wrong. It's about doing something DIFFERENTLY. Because no one writes a book - or lives her life - the same way. Over the past year, I have learned - by lots and LOTS of doing - the beauty of revisionland. I'm on draft #10 of my latest novel...and at least three of those versions were almost complete rewrites. With this story, I realized early on it was a big, complicated story, with many different possible ways to tell it. And I dove in, without considering the ramifications of many of my authorial decisions.

As a result, in addressing one subplot, I went from a few chapters, to 17k, to three short vignettes, before I found the RIGHT way to tell that part of the story.

And, as a result, I'm rewriting much of my main character, including her fundamental motivations. Yes, in draft 10.

It's frustating, not getting it "right" the first time. Accepting that the revising part of writing this book has taken 8 times as long as the drafting part. I can't even think about all the words I've thrown onto the page just to cut a draft or two later.

But it's also comforting, the revelation that THIS is the way I work. For better or worse, I'm a learn by doing writer. I can embrace this about myself, instead of fighting it by giving up on projects too soon. Yeah, I'm kinda hoping that as I get further into my career, I'll learn how to plan out some of my authorial choices a little better, but I also know what it feels like now, to have found a story WORTH this kind of work. And because I've done the work, I HAVE found the right way to tell the story. If, at draft 10, I can fall in love with my characters and my world all over again, surely an editor or two will. Surely these characters are worth loving.

And when, someday, I DO get an editorial letter, I'll be ready. Cuz hey. Revising isn't scary. I know ALL ABOUT Revisionland. ;-)

Are you the type of writer who works out all the kinks before you write? One or two drafts and you're done? Or are you a learn by doing...and doing...and doing kind of writer? What have YOU learned about yourself through the revision process?

Back to "Real" Life

It's been a crazy summer. There's no other way to say it.

MAJOR HOTSAUCE came home from Iraq. We found a house and moved to North Carolina in a matter of weeks. Then, after a few days to unpack and see family, we drove to northern Ontario for a two-week vacation. And, to my initial disappointment, Shattered Veil moved back to revisionland. I've had time to get excited about this new step for my "baby", and have even started a new project.

This summer was the first time I went more than a month or so without actively working on a manuscript. And it's been almost a year since my last first draft. Needless to say, the new manuscript is slow going. But even a few hundred words a day feels like an accomplishment. It was hard, this time, diving into something new. Taking that leap of faith.

There's the writing itself, which is painful and wonderful and hard work and incredibly rewarding in and of itself...just the act of watching a story unfurl in black and white on the screen is gratifying like no other job I've ever had. But the quest for publication - that's a separate beast. One that has not been kind to me. Rejection and disappointment can make it nearly impossible to continue. It can make finding that sweet spot of creation, that excitement in a new story or a new character feel hopeless, useless instead.

But it always comes back to the writing. The storytelling. The act of putting one word forward and then the next until you're running, euphoric.

The only way to ensure you won't be successful in this industry is to stop writing.

It's nice to know there's one area in life where my stubbornness is a gift. Shiny new idea, here I come!

Milestones

This last week was a pretty important one for me, with a couple big milestones.

The first? It is now officially less than a month until MAJOR HOTSAUCE comes home. Less than 4 weeks, even! Honestly, I'm trying not to think about it too much, because when I do I get SOOOOO excited I have a hard time concentrating on anything else. And I don't want the time to go too slowly. Still...LESS THAN 30 DAYS!!! I've had a countdown going all year, as well as a count-"up"....and remembering how it felt when the count-up was at 25 and the countdown at over 300....and now we're the reverse....it's so amazing. I definitely like being on this side of the countdown WAY better. :-)

The other milestone is writing related...I finished the last major revision round on Shattered Veil! I am so, so happy with the way it turned out, and all the little nuances that appeared in this final version. It's finally feeling like the story I set out to write, and my main character has become someone I think about long after I close the document and move on to something else. I still have one more small round to do - a friend and I are going to read the manuscript out loud to each other today, to catch any last little issues - but the heavy lifting is done. In fact, we are now at the point where I am not allowed to read or touch the manuscript without outside approval because I will fiddle with things that don't need fiddling, and overthink things that are working just fine. That's usually a sign that it's "done"...or at least done for now. I have no illusions that there won't be additional revising in my future. :-) It's a wonderful feeling, though, especially after the extent of revisions and rewriting I did. I actually got a little teary as I tweaked the last line.

So, yeah. Big week! Looking forward to a little mental vacation next week, and starting to pack (and throw out stuff!) in preparation for our move once MAJOR HOTSAUCE returns. All good things! :-)